>Longtime sports essayist, Frank Deford, recently sat down with Chicago Beast superstar, BC Parent, for an interview on his explosive season, performance enhancing drugs, and the team’s chances in the upcoming playoffs. Parent’s unvarnished answers offer a unique look into the life of one of the most prolific players in the NABCL.
Deford: With 13 games to play, you are within five homers of the NABCL’s all-time single season record of 70. What does that mean to you?
Parent: Raking is my thing, Mr. Deford. The good lord blessed me with the power to hit it a long way and when I do it usually goes out of the park. I like going yard ’cause it means I get to “trot” instead of busting it around the bases.
Deford: Craig Hooper holds the record at 70. Any thoughts on his mark and career?
Parent: Hoop? The thing about him is he is a little dude…I got him by about six inches and 40+ pounds. But the man can stroke it. When I came up he was still playing in Scranton and I would see him a lot. Somebody told me he is closing in on 500 career taters. That’s a lot of pop. He sent me a text the other day and wished me luck on getting to 69. I didnt know if he was talking about with my girl or home runs.
Deford: In today’s sports world, no good deed goes unpunished. Detractors say that you and others in the game are prospering through performance enhancing drugs? What do you say to that?
Parent: Look, Mr. Deford, I pee in a cup seven times a season and it comes back clean each time. I cant control what someone else is going say or do. I been balling for 5+ years in the NABCL bigs and I been doin’ it the right way since I got up. If I am guilty of anything its eating too much red meat but a man’s got to have his pleasures.
Deford: You hail from Plaquemine, Louisiana. You are a long way from the Mississippi arent you?
Parent: I learned to hit along the banks of the mighty ‘Sipp. Some say that my power comes from trying to hit it over the river. But Mama would say it comes from her biscuits and chicken gravy. Either way, you should know that Plaquemine is indian for persimmon – Strong wood.
Deford: Talk about the Beast and their chances in the playoffs; can you help reverse the failure of post-seasons past?
Parent: Damn – that’s cold. Look when I got called up in season 6, our club missed the playoffs, in the year after going to the World Series. Since then we have ripped off five straight division crowns. Now, we know that divison titles aint all that and so we are gonna go down swinging this season. But take note, this team rakes like no other I’ve been on; Suzuki-san, Little Steven Wilson, Virgil, Melvin, Pena and me all have 30+ dongs. You down with that? Six guys that can take it long at any moment. Bam!
Plus our pitching is much stronger than people give us credit for (dont forget we play at Wrigley; check out my hurlers record away from home) and we pick it with just about anybody but San Antonio. Go ask Mr. X and anybody else in the NL if they are looking forward to facing BC and friends this year.
Deford: Well, the hearts and minds of the Second City will be glued to your fortunes. You got a lot of criticism for hanging around Jay-z and Beyonce during last seasons one and done versus Portland. Any plans to do something different this year?
Parent: (gets out of chair)…Mr. Deford, I hang with who I want, when I want. Jay and Beyonce are my peeps. They didnt have nothing to do with Portland rolling us last year. So no I aint doing nothing different. Tiger and ‘Bron already been hittin me up for ducats for our first playof game. As for my babes, I just got off the horn with a couple of my galz and we are looking to tear this mother down, especially if we can go all the way. Thanks for the talk but I got go, got some rippin’ to do.